


i don't wanna think about it (i'm just feeling low)

by beaulionetts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, spoilers for ep 85 obvs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 15:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21478855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaulionetts/pseuds/beaulionetts
Summary: Beau and Fjord have a heart to heart.
Relationships: Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 8
Kudos: 158





	i don't wanna think about it (i'm just feeling low)

**Author's Note:**

> it's been.. a while since i've written in english, so i'm a lil rusty, but eh. hope you like it.

She can’t sleep. She should try, at least, since the next watch is hers and Fjord’s. There are so many things going around in her head, though. Thoughts of Yasha, of the Laughing Hand, the Chained Oblivion, should be concerning her but she actually just keeps repeating the conversation she had with Nott over and over in her mind.

Jester.

Why did she even say anything if she’s not planning on _doing_ anything?

She sighs in the comfort of the bed and turns.

She just needed to tell someone and Nott seemed interested enough to listen. _It’s just a crush_, but there’s a heavy weight on her chest since their conversation with the gentleman, Jester’s disappointed face still vivid in her mind. _It’s just a crush,_ but she can still feel how much it stung when Jester pulled Fjord aside from the group to confide in him.

Her thoughts are interrupted precisely by Jester, who is waking all of them up for some reason. Beau immediately straightens up, as do all of them. She watches as Jester peeks out the door only to then tell them to go back to sleep. She leaves the room.

Beau and Fjord switch places with Caduceus who happily goes to sleep.

They sit down on the floor next to each other but don’t talk. Beau distracts herself looking out the window, trying not to think of Jester and whatever the hell she’s doing right now. She hears Fjord clear his throat.

“So.”

She looks at him and waits for him to continue, but he doesn’t.

“So? What?” She asks, a bit defensively.

“It’s just been a while since we’ve talked.”

Beau’s expression softens. “Oh, yeah, man. Crazy shit going on, huh?”

“You’re an Expositor now.”

“You have a Goddess that like, gives you your powers.”

Fjord chuckles to himself. “Oh, yeah. That. I win, then.”

Beau punches him in the shoulder. It wasn’t even that hard of a punch, but he still winces and lets out a pained “ouch”. She rolls her eyes.

“I could’ve punched you harder.”

“I know.”

They stare at each other for a moment, where Beau feels genuine love and appreciation for this half-orc who is still by her side despite everything. Fjord has always been a shoulder to lean on. He didn’t run when they first met, when she was much more abrasive and closed off, all harsh words and bite. Now, they’ve witnessed each other’s growth, _helped _each other grow, and she mentally kicks herself for having felt a bit of resentment towards him when Jester called out to him. She sees the same softness she feels in his eyes.

“What do you think Jester has gone off to?” Fjord asks, finally breaking the silence.

“Oh. I dunno.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. She bites her lips and avoids his gaze. Thankfully, Fjord has never been too observant, so he doesn’t seem to notice her sudden nervousness.

“She always appears to be fine, doesn’t she?” says Fjord, more to himself than to Beau. “But that can’t be true. She-“

“Fjord.”

He turns his eyes back to Beau, a questioning look in his face. “Yeah?”

The monk takes a deep breath. She should ask him, right? It’s the perfect moment and it’s eating her alive.

“Do you like Jester?”

He looks at her like she’s suddenly grown three heads. “I – what?”

“I mean I dunno you’ve been super nice to her and stuff and she’s always flirting with you and like, it’s no secret that she likes you and –“

She says all of it in one breath and Fjord puts his hands up to try and stop her rambling. “Wow, wow, wow, slow down.”

“Sorry.”

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you today?”

He’s not looking at her confusedly now, he’s just staring her down, eyes squinted, like he’s trying to solve a puzzle he’s not sure he has all the pieces to.

“Nothing’s wrong! Just wanna know if my best friend likes my other best friend. No big deal.”

Fjord shakes his head. “Nope, there’s something else.”

“Fuck man,” she mutters under her breath. Yeah, he’s not too observant, but he _knows_ her. Fuck him. “Just answer my question.”

He’s silent for a few seconds but he finally relents. “I don’t know. I care about her like I care about the rest of you guys. And I never took her flirting too seriously, you know? I don’t think she knows what or who she likes, either.”

“Yeah,” Beau says, pensive. “Guess you’re right.”

She thinks about all the small gestures Jester does for all of them, about how the flirty comments towards Fjord have actually kind of stopped. She thinks of Jester’s perception of love, how she talks about sex freely because of the environment she grew up in but doesn’t really know what it means. She thinks about how much she’s matured, though, and she decides she would be willing to wait for her to figure it all out.

“Wait a minute…” Fjord’s voice breaks her out of her thoughts. Suddenly, he gasps, and he looks like he finally has all the pieces to that puzzle he was trying to solve before. “You _like_ her!”

“What?!” Her eyes go wide. She looks around the room, checking to see if everyone is still asleep. Luckily, they are. “I don’t!”

“You do! Holy shit. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed.”

Beau sighs. She briefly thinks about lying to him, but she’s not sure she wants to. “Yeah, okay, alright. It’s just a silly crush, okay?”

“There’s nothing silly about it, Beau.”

“Yes there is! She’s my best friend. She’s – Jester.”

Fjord raises an eyebrow. “You’ve always like, gotten any girl you’ve set your eyes on.”

“That’s different!” she snaps. Fjord puts his hands up defensively, and Beau softens. “It’s just – this is _Jester._”

She only offers her name as an explanation and Fjord seems to understand. “Yeah,” he says, nodding. “Well,” he goes on, “whatever you wanna do about this… crush, I’ll be here if you wanna talk or – not talk, I suppose.”

“What if you find out you like her and she likes you too? What if you like her and then she doesn’t? What if we all end up hurt and-“

Fjord puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “If that ever happens, we’ll figure it out, Beau. Right now you’re the one who’s got it clear, it seems. So yeah.”

Beau looks at him fondly, still not used to people caring so fiercely about her. “Okay, yeah, okay.”

“You’re my best friend too,” he adds. He raises one eyebrow at her. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Cap’n.”

He laughs. “Good, good. Let’s get some sleep, shall we?”

They wake Caleb and Nott up for their shift and go back to their beds. It hasn’t even been 10 minutes when Beau hears Jester enter the room again. She says something to Caleb and Nott and then, to the monk’s surprise, gets in the same bed as Beau. She opens he reyes and sees a trail of fresh tears on the tielfing’s face.

“Jes? You alright?”

Jester nods, but still seeks Beau’s hand under the covers. The human immediately holds it. Jester sighs and closes her eyes, apparently not willing to say anything just yet. Beau respects that and simply closes her eyes too.

She thinks about Fjord. She thinks about how clearly he cares about her – and Jester – and the heavy weight on her chest feels lighter already. She thinks about how stupid she’s been, thinking this stupid crush was going to change everything. She’s still worried, of course, there’s a nagging in the back of her mind, telling her to just shrug this off, keep everything the way it is.

Whatever happens, they’ll be fine. They love each other.

She squeezes Jester’s hand and tries to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> dunno. wrote this in like one hour bc i love me some beau/fjord bonding time and had to get it out of my system. title from hayley kiyoko's sleepover bc that is such a beaujester song. find me on tumblr a @beaufjords !


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